* Update- over the past year since I have written this blog post, God has been so good to me, finally healing me of my sin and my reliance on self.
I now clearly see that salvation is outside of myself.
I can go to the cross one time for my sins, empty myself completely, and Jesus removes my sin. It’s gone. I can’t go back to the cross over and over for the same sin because I do not have that sin to repent of anymore (as long as I am not continuing in that sin, of course). It’s gone and replaced with forgiveness. My FLESH cannot forgive. My FLESH accuses me and shames me. But Jesus takes this nasty, sinful flesh and replaces it with His righteousness. My FLESH cannot save me, it is worthless. Once I remove it, give it to Jesus, it is gone. It can't accuse me or make me feel guilty anymore. My salvation is secure in Jesus, not in myself.
Is there a particular sin or sins that you just can't get over? That you can't believe God can forgive? A sin that you won't receive His mercy for? I do and it is causing me to sin.
My past sins are killing me. Maybe that is a little dramatic, but they are causing me to stop growing in my Christian life. They are crippling me. I am at a standstill. I am blinded by the enemy of this world. I am in UNBELIEF (it might be better worded as "doubting", but am using unbelief for now). It is a SIN to doubt God's Word!!!! I am not believing what God's Word has told me. How can this be? How can I be a Christian and not believe His Word? How can I be doubting??
This is why- I am still in misery for past sins. I lay down my sins at the cross and later I go back and pick them up and lay them back on myself. I do it over and over again. I feel like I can't stop it. I dwell on particular sins and it makes me miserable. Aren't I supposed to have joy in Christ? I can't. I am not believing that God has dealt with my sins and it is robbing me of my joy. It is causing the opposite affect- spiritual depression. I am wasting time looking back on something that I cannot change. I always think... IF ONLY I could go back..... but that is foolish thinking. It is these thoughts that the devil has me dwelling on. He loves that I am stuck in a crippled, crying wad of myself. I am preoccupied in myself- (yes, a sin) and that is causing me to NOT be preoccupied with Christ!! The more we are focused on Christ, the less and less we focus on ourselves. I have been doing all of it backwards, stuck in a rut of self-pity, shame and guilt, instead of joy and grace!
I think I know doctrine. I love theology, which is simply the study of God's Word. I even have a t-shirt that says "Theology Matters." And all of this time I was kidding myself if I am ignorant of basic doctrine!!! If I can't get the basics down, how am I going to grow in knowledge and wisdom? I am an doubting Christian... well if I can call it that for now. Oh, don't get me wrong, I THINK I have the basics down- short version- God made the earth and heavens, humans rebelled, He sent His perfect son to earth to take our punishment, if we believe in Jesus, we are saved from our sins. We are cleansed- made righteous with Jesus. We are FORGIVEN of our sins..... Jesus made ONE SACRIFICE for past and future sins....that is where my problem comes in. I think I believe this, why wouldn't I? I never questioned it before...but I have learned that it is a mockery to God to keep asking for forgiveness for the same sin or sins over and over and over again.
I am not saying we shouldn't pray and ask for forgiveness- sin keeps us from God. What I am saying is, once it is forgiven, it is forgiven. Period. Finished. We think we have "BIG" sins that aren't as forgivable as "small" sins- NOPE, that is a lie. There is no qualification against sins. If you break one part of the law, you have broken it all.
"For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws," James 2:10
YES, we still ask for forgiveness because sin blocks us from reaching God (and God commands us to repent). God welcomes us before him. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16.
Our sins are washed away and our prayers are heard.
Read this quote from Samuel Lee and think about it- "Sin is a thick cloud that hides the face of God, so our prayers cannot enter." That is an astounding quote to me. It gives us a visual look of how sin blocks out God. I have prayed many times when I haven't repented in weeks or even months!
How many prayers are going up and being blocked by sin. How many people who are unbelievers throw up prayers to God when they need it- those prayers aren't even heard. "We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him." John 9:31.
We should never look at our past sins except in a way that causes us to praise God and magnify his grace!!! Rejoice in his grace!! He has blotted out my sins and remembers them no more!! MY SINS!!!! And I don't deserve it! Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!!!
"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more," Isaiah 43:25
These truths have finally freed me! I give much credit to Martin Lloyd Jones sermons on spiritual depression. It is as if he looked me in the face and said STOP THIS. I don't need to ask for forgiveness again and again for the same sin- that is mocking God.. that is unbelief in His truths of forgiveness and grace. I repent of my unbelief. I must renew my mind every time the devil tries to take me back to my rut. I will not go back. I will replay God's truth's over and over in my head, just like I used to play my sins over and over. I have to take back my mind!!!! God has given us HIS WORD. It is right there in front of me- for studying, believing, knowing, memorizing. Any time you doubt, open His Word. I have learned that it is easy for someone to say "I believe in Jesus", but if you don't know Him through His word, you are likely to fall back in unbelief and doubt.
I am forgiven and healed!
"A forgiven soul is a healed soul" Samuel Lee
UPDATE! MORE OF GOD'S GOODNESS..
ok, so this post is about my regrets and how I wish I could go back and do them over and I’m reminded that there’s no going back. I’m not gonna live my life thinking of the past and thinking about something that I cannot change . God promises that my election and salvation cannot be changed. GOD DOES NOT CHANGE. He’s got me in his hands. Jesus says you can’t go back, but you’re still in my arms and that can’t change. He says I will never be snatched out of his hand, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand." John 10:28
Now this also got me thinking about spreading the gospel (which I am currently failing at). Just like we regret things and can’t go back in this life, imagine being in Hell and spending every single second of eternity thinking and wishing that you could just go back for a second. But there is no going back, there are no second chances. That’s why we must be diligent in spreading the gospel now! Even though now in this human life we can’t go back, we still have the hope and love of Jesus that leads to everlasting life. But as soon as one gets to Hell, there is no hope! Take this short life you have right now (life is a wisp!) and RUN to Jesus (or RUN to others and tell them the good news). Beg Him now to save you! He will! Admit how wretched and wicked you are and confess your sins. Jesus will take those dirty sins and replace them with His righteousness. If you are reading this right now, you still have time. Don't wait another minute because when you take your last breath, there is no more time- it will be finished and your destination will be one of two places- Heaven or Hell.
